Psychedelics in the age of trump 2.0
The following is for satirical and entertainment purposes only.
What do you get when you combine a reality television star, a technocratic broligarchy, deregulation, and the oval office?
I don’t know, but pass the at home ketamine injectables. Or the mass produced spirit molecule in a plastic pen. If I have to wait another decade to set foot in a McDonald’s on Mars, I’ll hit a DMT vape and construct my own Inner Space Odyssey in the meantime.
Enough of the overregulation and moral panic. Enough of the social engineering disguised as activism. If you’re going to attempt to astroturf the mainstreaming of psychedelics, at least put a competent team together and not the clown show assembled thus far. Anonymous twitter accounts, suicidal pilots and academics who can barely string a sentence together without collapsing into a pool of self-loathing and victimization - that was your strategy? Thanks for setting the bar so low.
What if the real threat to the social fabric was ideologically purist, gatekeeping third parties inciting moral panic and spreading FUD all along?
If I have to read one more Op-ed about ‘psYCheDelicS aNd THe faR RIghT’ written by an intelligence op cosplaying as objective journalist, I’m going to stop pirating articles from the clickbait platforms that pay the rent on their Bed-Stuy bachelor pad.
Oh The Atlantic published another piece on Trump followers and psychedelics? Maybe The Atlantic owner Laurene Powell Jobs should focus on staffing her megayacht with a seaworthy crew, so that it doesn’t crash into the megayacht of a Mexican billionaire on the open seas like it did in August of 2024. Maybe focus on maneuvering to the far right of oncoming vessels in the future instead of cosplaying as the voice of the people.
“But…but…non-clinical psychedelic use and unfettered access to safe supply will inevitably cause someone to do something dumb and consequently invite authoritative overregulation as a knee jerk reaction!”
As if 50 years of prohibition via a violently enforced full on War On Drugs isn’t the epitome of authoritative overregulation already?
Bitch I hit a K-hole in an Arby’s restroom in Dallas a few years ago and ended up resolving a series of childhood traumas, calm the fuck down. Besides, ketamine is already not that hard to come by. Just go to any vet in Tijuana and tell them you have a ranch full of sick horses. Same goes for MDMA and psilocybin, except you’ll need to go to LA or Berlin and get in with a clique of art school dropouts for the best versions of those.
“Hey I’ve got an idea! Let’s give the government a monopoly on psychedelic sales!”
Not until they pardon Ross Ulbricht first.
As the great Dick Nixon once said, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” Or maybe it was Reagan who said that. Either way, drugs have won the war on drugs.
The FDA has had 8 years to make good on their promise of MDMA and psilocybin as ‘Breakthrough Therapies’ and all we got was an experimental vaccine forced upon us and presidential pardons for the clown who told us to ‘follow the science’. Nevermind that the largest study of a covid vaccinated population (*99 million* individuals) found widespread links to myocarditis and blood conditions. It’s cool, Fauci received a presidential pardon before Ross Ulbricht.
Maybe if the FDA wanted us to take them seriously, they would have a good answer for why they allowed ‘Red Dye No. 3’ to be incorporated into thousands of products marked safe for human consumption over decades despite a definitive causal link to cancer being found, yet just issued a warning to Amanita muscaria purveyors that the iconic red and white speckled mushroom ‘is not fit for human consumption’, despite millennia of traditional use by various cultures across the world.
Fuck following the science, follow the money. And it’ll lead you right to a bunch of backroom deals with a revolving door of corrupt public officials and bootlicking private actors who aren’t fit to coach a little league baseball team, much less advise the public on health policy.
It’s my position that every ‘psychedelic’ company should appoint a psychonaut to their board.
If I’m Compass Pathways, I’m taking the whole board and C-Suite on a high dose mushroom vision quest in the Mojave Desert. No cell phones, no Amex black cards, just raw, naked connection with the singularity. It might not expedite FDA approval of whatever lead mumbo jumbo ‘next gen’ numerical asset is in the pipeline now, but I guarantee you it’ll earn the company notoriety.
And in the world of Trump 2.0, notoriety is convertible to cold hard cash. Or crypto. Maybe the drug developers in the psychedelic space - or the neuroplastogen empathogenic space - can switch lanes and launch a meme coin to rug people with instead of trying to keep up charades with the failed ruse they’ve got going on.
Or I’ve got another idea - let’s launch a bogus biotech company in Australia and take advantage of the Biotech and Pharma innovation tax incentive scheme there - then roll out the lead candidate in an authoritarian country where cognitive liberty is prohibited. #PsychedelicRenaissance.
And boom - there you have it, the psychedelic future brought to you by your venture capital friends at psychopath ventures. If it costs you tens of millions of dollars to gain zero market share and ultimately rebrand into an AI or a pharmaceutical company by another name, you need a better PR strategist and LP’s with looser turtleneck sweaters. The fashion choices are choking off the oxygen supply to their longevity optimized brains.
In other news, the hostile takeover attempt by Antonio Gracias and Rick Doblin to regain control of Lykos is a punchline and a half. Net Zero Trauma getting kickstarted by a hostile takeover sounds like a South Park skit. But then again I’m here for it.
Is it still a hostile takeover if Rick Doblin’s involved? If anyone could turn corporate mutiny into a ‘smokeable task’, it’d be Rick. I just can’t imagine him raising his voice. Maybe the email his lawyers sent was in all caps.
Mr. Gracias, if you’re reading this - Gracias for sending me to the Petrie Flom Center at Harvard Law School last year. I probably missed a syllable or two in that name, but apparently we’re not supposed to just called it Harvard Law School because that would fuck up the MK Ultra vibe. My flights, accommodations, and at least one Boston clam chowder was paid for out of your generous $16 million endowment there. The strippers for the FDA guys came out of my own pocket; there was some confusion with the administrators on the backend but we cleared it up.
To be honest, If I were you, I would have split the $16 milli between the Petrie Flom Center and a rebooted MK Ultra program. Have them run psyops against each other and leave a paper trail in press releases, white papers and on Capitol Hill.
The greatest irony of the promise of medicalized psychedelics is that hundreds of biotech companies have burned through billions of dollars, and the best thing they’ve come up with so far is injecting horse tranquilizer into a few thousand soccer moms at flashy clinics in SoHo and Santa Monica. My plug Rigo could have saved all you custies 98% out of pocket on that.
I get the sense that biotech companies and the VC’s burning through cash trying to keep them afloat just want to wear turtleneck sweaters and feel important at investor dinners and afterparties. Did they not get the memo that the substances they’re shelling out millions of dollars to ‘bring to market’ are already floating around the party? I’ve had more access to psychedelic medicine on the merry-go-rounds at Tivoli Gardens in Copenhagen than from any of the dozens of publicly traded psychedelic companies, and that’s a fact.
We’re at the point where deregulation is the only sensible alternative to the status quo. We live in a world where cell phones come with a manual documenting that the device emits radiation and should be kept away from direct contact with head or body, yet every 4 year old in the world - even in tribal societies like Mongolia and in South Sudan - is carrying one around and placing it against their bodies. What’s a little brain tumor as long as the children don’t get their hands on mushroom chocolates in cartoon packaging? I mean, Maria Sabina was 8 years old when she had her first mushroom trip.
Social media has no regulation, and I’ve scrolled through a dozen live theatres of war on there over the last two years - with the occasional pause in action to watch a Pizza Hut ad. What a time to be alive. Are you not entertained?
The institutional gatekeepers who have sprung up to amplify every negative story and to urge caution against individual's rights to explore their own consciousness are pissing in the wind, and it’s about time they get a mouthful of the territorial markings they’ve been spraying on everyone else over the last few years.
Pearl clutching and institutional gatekeeping is out, and cognitive liberty is in - and cognitive liberty favors the free market.
Even the broligarchs can’t fuck that up.
And to the byzantine alphabet agency lackeys and globalist needle dicks reading this -
Never send an intelligence asset to do a psychonauts job.
