Hunter Biden has reportedly reduced his crack cocaine consumption from 4 grams to 2 grams per day thanks to the help of microdosing, a scientifically ambiguous and highly marketable trend that leads to miraculous results in those that just discovered psychedelics.
“Microdosing has played a huge role in my transformation from ward of the state to indictable news asset. Without the aid of the little pills I take, which effectively function the same as SSRI’s in that they’re designed to be taken routinely and empower people to continue preserving the status quo in a slightly more engaged and attuned manner, I would probably be wasted in Ukraine somewhere right now.”
Sources say that Hunter is thrilled with his microdosing progress, and is entertaining the possibility of stacking his microdoses with macrodoses of crack to offset any potential negative side effects that the latter may impart.
“It’s been a hell of a ride so far. I’m looking forward to co-opting this fashionable new mental health trend into the consumer culture that psychedelics are being engulfed by. No one can stop the Biden family now.”