Spiritual Guru Swears Everything Will Be Fine, Just Smoke more 5-MeO

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    Bobby Danks, a 44-year-old toad venom shaman from Malibu, has confirmed that everything is going to be okay according to his spirit guides in the 5D.

    “Things might seem kind of shaky in the world right now, but that’s because most people are looking at the wrong world” says Danks.

    “If more people smoked 5-MeO-DMT with me more often, they could escape the trappings of the matrix and live in a suspended state of bliss where nothing matters except the present moment.”

    Starting at $5555 in conscious donations per week on a sliding scale basis, people who are burned out and soured on the trials and tribulations of modern society can come smoke hallucinatory toad venom with Danks and his ragtag crew of neoshamans that have dropped out of society to help run his cult.

    “5-MeO is a powerful tool. I use it 4-5 times a day and encourage others to do the same, so long as they can keep up with the financial demands of transcending their limiting thought patterns here at my center.”

    Danks and his cult run the Crystal Palace For Healing and Spiritual Ascendance near Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, and are set to franchise multiple 5-MeO-DMT centers in places around the world that Danks describes as having ‘spiritual vortex energies’, which also coincidentally all happen to be in places with lingering colonial legacies and lax regulatory scheduling.

    “Stop tripping about all the bullshit in the world, and start tripping on 5-MeO with me” says Danks in a rather rational call to action.

    Week-long stays at the Crystal Palace run between $4444 and $7777 by sliding scale.