Ron DeSantis Heads to Ayahuasca Retreat in Boca Raton

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    The disgraced presidential candidate hopeful bowed out stage left after losing ground to a more experienced charlatan, and is reportedly heading to Boca Raton to jump on the ayahuasca train.

    “I was never a legitimate potential candidate, but the political machinery in our country needed some more incendiary press to make their chosen candidate appear a little bit more legitimate in the eyes of the public.” says DeSantis.

    “Ayahuasca is all the rage in Florida these days, and I intend to go on a vision quest to gain a competitive edge over the Disney Corporation that’s ruining our state with leftist ideologies pegged to their cute little anthropomorphized mouse icons.”

    There are many qualified shamans and illegitimate trap houses operating as dubiously qualified entheogenic churches in Florida, so DeSantis shouldn’t have a problem finding a good retreat operator that aligns with his ultraconservative and profit-motivated values.