The secretive North Korean regime has announced a record 6.5 million Won research grant to study psilocybin for its therapeutic potential in treating Napoleon Complex.
A spokesperson for the Juche was quoted as saying
“Our contemporaries in the west are funding psychedelic research for various psychiatric conditions left and right. We see a lot of similarities between the way we seek to control and regulate humanity and the guiding ethos behind the pharmaceuticalization of various psychoactive fungi and plants by government agencies and research institutions in the U.S. and Europe, etc.”
Lab-derived synthetic Psilocybin has shown tremendous promise in buttressing the quarterly returns of various stakeholders in the psychedelic healthcare sector, but so far those promises have amounted to a washing-machine cycle of never-ending headlines promising that help is coming soon but never actually doing anything to help anyone while wiping out billions of dollars of investment.
“We see a mirror reflection of our Dear Leader in the figureheads hyping medicalized psychedelics in the west. Both parties are shameless, motivated only by personal gain, and largely unaware of how ridiculous they look to the rest of the world. It’s basic evolutionary science that the next logical step for both parties is to puff out their chest and compensate for their inadequacy by cosplaying as important researchers advancing the militarization of psychedelics – just like Napoleon would have done.”
The 6.5 million Won is expected to be directed towards flying out the entire Imperial College London research team to take turns doing dabs with the dear leader while he’s pumped full of GMP grade synthetic psilocybin for research purposes.